Is Today the Day?

It's 7am and I haven't slept more than 4 hours since 10pm last night... I woke up at about midnight just not feeling very good... Stomach hurt, almost like cramps and lower back hurt... then I went to pee and noticed that the tp had a pink/red tinged discharge. (If this is tmi for you, you may want to stop reading my blog now... I would imagine that over the next few hours or days, however long this lasts, there is the potential for things to get more graphic)...  I woke up hubby, showed him the evidence and we both jumped on our iPhones to see what it meant... Is this the mucous plug?  Bloody show?  What does this mean?  Early labor?  We both determined that whatever it was, it was normal and if I wasn't having contractions, we should just try to get back to sleep... Hubby fell asleep a bit easier than I did... I eventually dozed off and slept 2 more hours... Of course, I woke up a few more times to pee and at 5 or so decided that I needed a change of scenery so I came out to the couch... I had a bowl of cereal, watched a little Dateline and now I'm just sitting here wondering what's going on... Is today the day?

Despite all of the books I've read and my incessant googling, I have no idea what's happening right now... The baby is still moving around... I have this menstrual crampy like feeling... definite pressure in my lower back and now when I pee and wipe, there is a little discharge with a brown tinge to it... 

I am comforted to know that some progress is being made... I just wonder how much... 

According to Babycenter.com, the following is a "sign" that labor will happen in the next few days or weeks: 
You may pass your mucus plug — the small amount of thickened mucus that has sealed your cervical canal during the last nine months — if your cervix begins to dilate as you get close to labor.

The plug may come out in a lump or as increased vaginal discharge over the course of several days. The mucus may be tinged with brown, pink, or red blood, which is why it's referred to as "bloody show." 

On WhattoExpect.com it says: 

Knowing that you can go any day, you should be watching out for signs of labor: regular contractions, rupture of membranes (water breaking), diarrhea or nausea (many women experience these types of digestive disturbances just before the onset of labor), spurts of energy, loss of the mucous plug, and bloody show (which is a sign of labor, not a gory new horror movie).

During pregnancy, your cervical opening becomes blocked with a thick plug of mucus that prevents bacteria from entering the uterus. When your cervix begins to loosen, this mucous plug is dislodged. Some women notice the passage of the mucous plug (what exactly is that in the toilet?), others don't (especially if you're the flush-and-rush type). Unfortunately, the discharge of the mucous plug is in no way a reliable indicator of when labor might begin. It could be hours, days, or even weeks before real contractions begin.

A somewhat more reliable indicator of impending labor is the passage of the bloody show — a stringy mucous discharge tinged with pink or brown blood. Such "bleeding" means the blood vessels in the cervix are rupturing as it dilates and effaces. Once you've watched the bloody show, labor is probably just a day or two away — though don't try to set your watch (or your labor stopwatch) to it, since it's not a definite timetable. But do make sure your bag is packed.

So, now the question is... did I see the "bloody show" or the "mucous plug"?  Frankly, I'm a bit confused by the difference besides that one means labor is more imminent than the other... I never saw a mucous plug or anything that resembles what's being described above...

I guess it's back to the waiting game... I'm going to lie down and see if I can get a bit more sleep... If today is the day, I need to try and rest up to squirt this little sucker out.

Lobster makes me happy

Why is it that after feeling like total crap all day, at 9:30pm, I feel good.  I don't understand... Why did I have to suffer all day to get to a point where I'm feeling decent?  It just doesn't seem fair because now I'm wide awake and doing work and being productive and I'm setting myself up to have yet another crappy day because I won't get any sleep!

Oh well, I guess I will take what I can get.

After I wrote that last post the day did improve slightly... After a little sob session when hubby came home (I was feeling sorry for myself and as soon as I saw him, burst into tears) we went to meet with another pediatrician, took a long walk and then went out for lobsters (there is this place near our apartment that does $25 lobster and a beer night, with fries).  It was delicious and just what I needed...

A zombie with a parasite

Today I feel like total crap.  I'm ridiculously tired on top of being ridiculously tired of being pregnant.  Last night and up until now I've slept in intervals of 2.5 hours and have been up for hours in between.  I'm finding it very hard to function... I guess this is a glimpse of what early motherhood will be like, but the kicker is that I don't yet have the baby... Right now, all I have is this massive belly that is clearly and quite literally sucking the life out of me.

To say I'm grumpy and cranky would be a massive understatement.  I'm feeling a bit like a prisoner too... I want to get out and do things (and even want to do things at home) but I can barely keep transitioning from the couch to the bed and back.  I'm so damn sleepy and sore.  And on top of that, I'm still working... Not more than a few hours a day, but I'm working and that's becoming increasingly challenging when I have days like today where I feel brain dead.  It's fine on days when I'm feeling good... It's a nice distraction... But today I want nothing more than to lie around like the zombie I feel like...

I know that labor and delivery is not going to be fun, but at the end, at least I will have a sweet little baby to care for and I will feel like the tiredness and discomfort is serving a purpose... Now it just feels like the icing on the cake of an already challenging pregnancy.  Oh, and did I mention, I hate cake (and I don't really like icing either).

All baby

I went to the doctor today and my BP is good, weight is on track and Brady's heartbeat is strong.   I'm still only dilated 1cm, but again, that means nothing... I'm measuring at 39 weeks and the doctor is guessing that he's about 7+lbs.  She felt around my belly and all she could say, was, wow, you're all baby!  It's pretty wild. When you feel my stomach, all you feel is this giant, super rock hard mass...I have no other pregnant bellies to compare it to, but based on the doctor's reaction I can only guess that other bellies have some softer spots where baby isn't occupying...

Granted, doctors can often be "off" when it comes to estimating the weight, but I just have a feeling that she's not and he's not going to be a little pipsqueak like me and my brother were (both in the 6lb+ range).  I'm thinking that he's going to cook for another week or so, which means he's only going to get bigger...

Today was a tired day... All day I was pretty fatigued.  I actually passed out at about 8pm.  I woke back up at around 10:30 and now I'm wide awake having some cereal and watching tv.  It's so funny... every day when I'm up in the night like this, I open the fridge and I see the eggs and milk staring back at me with their expiration dates emblazoned on the side... The milk expires on the 23rd and the eggs on the 27th (my due date).  I stare at them and wonder, what will happen first, will this milk expire or will Brady arrive?  It's odd for me to think about the fact that the next eggs and milk we buy will have an expiration date past the time when Brady will likely be here...

The doctor told me that they won't let me go past 42 weeks and if he doesn't come naturally by 41 weeks, they will induce me.  I have my weekly doc appointment scheduled for next Wed and if he doesn't arrive by Friday, I have a follow-up appointment at the hospital to get a biophysical and non stress test, which is basically an in-depth sonogram to make sure the baby is ok, I have enough fluid, etc... That's when they would determine if I need to be induced earlier than 41 weeks.

At this point, I feel like my life is set to that jeopardy music... do do, do do, do do, do, do do, do do, do, dododododo... Just waiting for the answer (i.e. baby) to be revealed!

No rhyme or reason

I am so confused by what's going on with my body right now... The past two days I've felt crappy.  Was super tired/lethargic, ridiculously swollen/achy, not feeling well and pretty grumpy.  Then today I woke up all spritely, in a good mood, feeling decent and just wide awake (even now at 12:15am and without a nap!)  I just don't understand what's happening.  There is absolutely no rhyme or reason.  Oh well, I guess that's going to be the name of the game for my life moving forward...

I keep waffling between feelings of excitement and anxiety over labor and life post-hospital.  I mean, I can't wait to meet Brady!  Dying to just see him!!!  But then I think about labor... when is it going to start?  how's it going to go down?  I'm pretty rational, so I know that it's silly to worry about these things... It's just going to happen how it happens... but, it's just such an unknown ... I didn't realize that the start of labor is such a medical mystery... Nobody knows why it starts, so there is nothing that anybody can tell me about when it's going to happen or how it's going to play out.  I'm too Type A for this...

What I do know is that my belly is absolutely HUGE!  When I think it can't get any bigger, it does... But somehow this little (or not so little) guy still moves around!  He is pretty active, which can get painful sometimes... All of the emails I get from the various pregnancy websites say he's the size of a watermelon, but honestly, I've never seen a watermelon as big as my stomach (not even those ones we used to fill up with vodka in college)... I don't even know what I would equate this belly to.  And my hands are like little paws... My little fingers look more like sausages stuffed in casings!  My husband claims that my face looks the same (not swollen) but I don't really believe him...

This weekend we went and bought a new camera... This is a purchase we have been deliberating for quite some time.  We couldn't decide between a DSLR or a high quality compact point and shoot. We heard arguments for both, did tons of research and ultimately decided that since we have a point and shoot already, it was time to get a nice, high quality DSLR to really capture amazing photos of the little man.  They have such faster shutter speeds and we want to be sure we don't miss any of the adorable faces he is going to make!  The challenge with the DSLR is figuring out how to use it.  We got the Nikon D5100 and it's no joke!  Hubby is already much better with it than I am, but we've both had a great time figuring it out and hopefully by the time Brady arrives, we will have it down cold!  The only problem is that all hubby seems to be shooting is me and my bulbous belly (nothing much else to shoot in our apartment and it rained all day today)... It really does look ridiculous... Kind of like someone stuffed a Santa suit under my clothes!

I'm gonna go and try to get some sleep... wish me luck!

Two weeks to go!

I went to the doctor earlier this week for my checkup and learned that I'm one whole cm dilated!  And apparently my cervix is soft... Both of those points indicate pretty much nothing, but that I'm getting closer... My doctor seemed happy with my progress.  My strep B test was negative (yay!), Brady's heartbeat is strong and my weight is on track.  So... all in all, things are good.  The doc thinks I will likely deliver near my due date... but who knows.  She gave me the little talk about 5-1-1 (go to the hospital once contractions are 5 minutes apart, 1 minute in duration for 1 hour), provided me with a copy of my lab work and sent me on my way.

I dropped off all my pre-registration paperwork at the hospital and have been just trying to make my way through my to-do list and all of my baby care and breastfeeding books.

Right now, though, I'm suffering from a bit of insomnia... It's 12:48am and I am wide awake... I've been trying to sleep for about 2 hours and I give up... My sleep lately has been so wackadoo... I've been having a hard time falling asleep at night, but then I sleep until 11am or so, which is really annoying... I don't like wasting the day (especially when I have so much I want to do before Brady arrives).

I thought that as he got bigger and more crowded his movement would slow down a bit... But, right now he's going absolutely bonkers... contorting my belly like you would never believe... How could anyone sleep through this?  And it's worrying me that he's doing this at 1am... I don't need a little night owl...

My energy level lately has also been all over the map... I will have a ton of energy and take on a project, like vacuuming and mopping the whole apartment and then I will just crash... then an hour later, I will be inclined to start something new, like writing thank you notes for the many wonderful gifts we received, or organizing photos into albums... Then I will need a nap... It's just so back and forth ... But I think this is par for the course.

Honestly, I am just so over this pregnancy. I want my body back.  I know that this insomnia will turn into sleep deprivation in a few short weeks, but I don't care... I'm just ready for him to be here.  It's been a long 38 weeks and I'm ready to meet this little man.  

The waiting game

All day today I've had a bit of a tummy ache/upset stomach... It resulted in a fairly unproductive day... I got some errands done, but didn't accomplish nearly as much as I'd hoped.  Instead I spent lots of time googling what my tummy ache may be about... sign of labor coming??  Who knows? All I know is that I'm not comfortable and I can't' sleep... I have heartburn and I'm ready to have this baby!  Though, I'm not... Terrified of labor still...

Brady has also been ridiculously active today... moving nonstop and actually causing me quite a bit of discomfort. He clearly has so little room to move, yet he's been performing acrobatics all day, making it hard for me to breathe!  He's all up in my rib cage, poking at my sides... It actually hurts... I think he's trying to break out!! Hopefully he's as excited to meet me, as I am to meet him!

Uggggh, I'm just so uncomfortable right now... No matter what I do, I can't seem to feel good.  I'm peeing almost every hour and I really just want to go to sleep, but I don't even feel that tired... Every time I lie down, I start feeling heartburn.  I have a feeling it's going to be a long night... Hopefully, I will get some sleep.

I'm so happy that the end is near...

Keepin busy!

We're getting so close to the big day, that my mind is just constantly racing... I feel like there is so much to do and so many things to remember!  We took a baby care / breastfeeding and infant CPR class a few weeks ago and I keep reviewing my notes from the classes, as well as the many handouts they gave us.  I feel like I'm studying for a big exam, but don't know when it's going to take place!

On top of that, I recently joined this group of mom's in my new neighborhood.  It's called HRP (Hudson River Park) Mamas and it's for mom's in the Battery Park, FiDi and Tribeca areas of the city (basically all of lower Manhattan).  I've joined their message boards and am cc'ed on the gazillions of emails that mom's are constantly sending with questions about everything from baby nurse recommendations and theories on CIO (crying it out/sleep training) to play date gatherings and even classifieds.

The classifieds are actually awesome!!  I was able to find a mom in Battery Park who was selling her $1000+ glider for $50!  It's in amazing condition and matches our nursery perfectly.... It's also super comfortable (I'm sitting in it right now!) I'm so glad that I didn't buy a brand new one!!  We picked it up this weekend and I couldn't be happier with it!  (And upon pickup I spent no less than two hours vacumming it, spot cleaning it, dusting it and then febreezing the hell out of it... I'm not one for used items, but this was a deal that couldn't be passed up!)

This weekend we also set up most of the nursery.  My mom drove in most of our gifts and we did lots of loads of baby laundry, assembled the stroller and got the car seat out of the box.  The nursery is looking pretty cute.  We have all of the furniture now accept the crib, which should come next week.  We don't have any pics on the walls yet, or anything like that... but I'm not going to worry about that stuff until Brady arrives. I just wanted to make sure I had all the bare essentials in place if he decides to come a week or two early! I got the diapers, the wipes, some nursing bras/tanks, packed my hospital bag, etc...

Oh, and funny story about the stroller... So, it arrived via Fedex on Friday (thanks mom!).  We decided to wait to put it together until Sat or Sun.  But at about 10pm on Fri night, I don't think hubby could contain his excitement (he LOVES the stroller) so we decided to put it together (I napped from 6 - 8, so I was feeling good!).  Actually, hubby was putting it together, I just sat there for moral support.  He actually followed the instruction manual, which was kind of odd for him... He usually just uses his intuition, but given that this is our son's chariot, he decided to stick to the rule book.  He did a great job until we got to the sun canopy for the bassinet part of the stroller... That's when things started to unravel. In his defense, he followed the instructions, which were poor... But when the canopy wouldn't work properly, he started to lose it... This thing is defective... we have to take it back... I can't believe such an expensive stroller would come with a piece that's broken... yada yada yada... I tried to keep him calm, but when frustration sets in, it's tough to keep him calm.  I decided to walk away and consult my good friend, google... I had a feeling that this may be an assembly issue that others encountered as well... And I was right.  The directions were missing a crucial piece of information that once we had, quickly rectified the situation and hubby was a happy camper once again!  Once the stroller was assembled, he strolled it all around the apartment (and apparently he did the same thing the following morning before I woke up!)  Very cute!  Every day he pretty much takes it for a stroll around the apartment... he is so excited for it!!  It's pretty adorable.

It was actually a miracle that we got the nursery set up on Saturday, because it did not start off as a good day... I woke up just not feeling well.  Hubby advised me to take a kytril, but it had been a few weeks since I last got sick, so I didn't think it was necessary.  I thought a bowl of cereal would make it all better... I was wrong... I promptly puked up the cereal... So, our new master bathroom sink (at least hubby's) has been officially christened!  Post puke, I took the kytril.  I really wanted to enjoy the day of setting up the nursery!

It's so weird... lately, I have had some really good days and then just some not so good days.  I've been pretty tired and my sleep has been kinda crazy... I pretty much sleep a few hours, then am up (wide awake) for a few... And the peeing every 2-3 hours doesn't help things... I'm also pretty hungry and some nights I have to wake up 2-3 times to feed... I'm not only adjusting to the "baby schedule," I'm turning into the baby.  I've also gotten more unwieldy... I'm so middle heavy, that I wobble (kind of like how baby's look when they're learning to walk - a bit drunk!).  And once simple tasks are proving very challenging... like getting up from the couch and tying my shoes.  Luckily, hubby helps with these things... I just find it frustrating not to be able to comfortably do them myself.  And you're probably thinking... who needs to tie shoelaces in August?  Hello, flip flops!  Well... my feet are a wreck!  I thought they hurt a few weeks ago, but that's NOTHING compared to right now... They throb!   And NYC is such a walking city and I always prefer walking to public transport / cabs, so it's been quite a struggle for me... It's such a trade off... to keep cool, flip flops are the best... and I bought these nerdy Aerosoles ones that are actually much more comfortable than my others, but they still aren't as comfortable as sneakers... The problem with wearing sneakers is that I don't own shorts and you can't wear sneakers with dresses, so when I wear the sneaks, I have to wear jeans and it's just too darn hot to do that.  Why don't I own shorts?  Well, first of all, I don't think they're flattering on girls (unless you have long beautiful, slender, toned legs and wear them with high heels).  Unfortunately, none of those adjectives describe my legs, which are short and stumpy... (And don't go getting all offended if you wear shorts... It's just my personal preference to wear skirts instead.)  So, needless to say, I feel pretty immobile, which is pretty disappointing, because everyone in my life keeps telling me to get outside now, run my errands, stay active, etc... Once baby comes, things are going to be much harder, I will be more tired, etc... But with this heat and my stupid feet, I'm very conflicted.

Today I'm 37 weeks and 2 days preggers and at my doc appointment in a few days they will start checking me for dilation and effacement.  At my last appt they gave me the Strep B test to see if I need to be treated with antibiotics when I go into labor.  I can't believe that labor is near.  I'm kinda scared about the pain, but trying not to think about it... Luckily for me, I have a mile long to-do list that's keeping me busy!  This evening I am visiting with a pediatrician in the area to see if the practice is the right fit for me and Brady... I'm not really sure what to expect, but I definitely need to have someone on deck for that first newborn appointment once we bring him home... I have appts set up for some other pediatricians as well... Not really sure what to be looking for in a doc, but I guess I will figure it out.  Assuming it's going to be one of those 'go with your gut' kinda things.

I'm back!

First off, I need to apologize for the "thin" communication.  Things have gotten so busy that blogging took a backseat and then it turned into one of those things where I felt like I've fallen so far behind with my updates that I would never catch you all up on everything.  But tonight, I decided it was time to face you... I thought about making excuses... I have pregnancy induced carpal tunnel, which makes typing much less fun and easy... but honestly, that would be a lie... While my little sausage fingers are swollen and sore (and I can't wear my rings anymore :(), I can still type (will find out when I see the doc this week if it's really carpal tunnel or not!).

I am now 36.5 weeks pregnant, which means I am super close to the end!  I can't believe he's almost here.  On Saturday, I will be considered "full term," which means that if little Brady were to be born, he wouldn't even be considered pre-term or early.   If you ask me, it's super confusing why they call you full term at 37 weeks when pregnancy is supposedly 40 weeks... but oh well... Besides being quite large, I am feeling pretty good.  Haven't puked in weeks... I have the typical 9th month swelling and back pain, but otherwise things are ok... I'm not sleeping that well, but I think that's to be expected given my size and everything going on in my life right now!

This past weekend, we moved.  We are all settled into our new apartment!  My mother-in-law was kind enough to be my partner in crime during the move since hubby had to work.  We just hung out while the movers packed and for the most part, everything went smoothly!  And after we got all of the boxes and furniture inside the apartment, my brother and his girlfriend came over to help us do the deed of unpacking.  By Sunday, we had gotten rid of all of the boxes and the apartment was pretty much finished, besides the shopping I need to do for decorative items, etc... I love the new place.  It's pretty awesome.  Much bigger than the old place, a ton more storage space and it feels really homey to me.  The only slight hitch is that they ripped up the carpet on our floor (in the hallway) because they are replacing it, but that means that every time you walk into our apartment you track in all types of dust... It drives me a bit insane because we have black wood plank floors so you can see all of the dirt.  And since I'm nesting, I can't seem to get things clean enough... but my back has been killing me, so the constant vacuuming  is painful.  But I have been assured by the building that they will be laying down the carpet soon!  I also really like the 'hood... much more than I thought I would.  There are tons of restaurants right around the corner and it has a very Euro feel (and it's not just all of the tourists gawking at the NYSE).  It's the cobblestone streets, narrow walkways, architecture and the history... We're living in old NY.

Anyways, back to the apartment.  This weekend we are setting up the nursery.  I can't wait!  My mom will be driving in all of the gifts we received at the shower (I left everything in NJ because of the move).  I already started washing some of Brady's clothes (with his special baby detergent) and I'm just getting so excited to bring him home.  I know that life will never be the same once he is born and that I should be enjoying my last couple of weeks of independence... going to movies, out to eat, seeing friends, etc... But, it's hard to contain my excitement.  I really like spending time in the new place and just cleaning, organizing and getting things ready for my new life as a mommy!  All of his furniture has been delivered accept for the crib, which should be here in about two weeks.  I'm not too concerned because those first few nights he is going to sleep in a bassinet anyway.  He will be so tiny, I feel like he would get lost in a crib!  The furniture is awesome... I love it!  Was a good choice.  Despite the cribgate fiasco, we ended up with furniture we love.  Our stroller is also on the way... Once that arrives, we will have just about everything we need!  I can't believe it.