My Brain is Broken

I haven't really felt well today even though I've been eating all day (and took a kytril).  Maybe I just had too much fun yesterday eating my yummy Vietnamese lunch and then catching up with my good friend from college last night.  It's like every day I take a step forward, I always end up inevitably taking a step back the next day.

Also, today is the first day I've really suffered from "pregnancy brain."  I'd heard about it, joked about it before, but didn't truly understand what it was until today.   

It's super bizarre.   I feel like I can't really focus or articulate what I'm thinking... This has never happened to me before.  I have lots of thoughts... And I want to express them... I just feel like I can't get them out in a smart, succinct way...

And with that... this blog entry is over.

Baby steps

I feel like I accomplished something today.  I went out for my favorite lunch with one of my favorite colleagues.

I'm a huge fan of this divey Vietnamese restaurant in Chinatown called Thai Son... I have been known to eat lunch there at least 2x a week savoring their delicious summer rolls and pork with vermicelli!  It's been three whole months since I've eaten there, which is quite sad.  The waiters used to know me... I was actually the mayor there (thanks to Four Square).  I woke up today feeling confident (especially after taking my Kytril) and decided today would be the day I gave it a shot... I went, I ate and honestly, I'm feeling pretty good.

I know it sounds crazy that I'm this excited, but lets put this in perspective.

Six months ago my biggest food related dilemma was where to get lunch or what to cook/ order in / eat out for dinner.  I pretty much planned my entire day around my meals and I would always be thinking one meal ahead... Favorite lunches included prosciutto, fresh mozzarella, tomato, roasted pepper on fresh baked bread or dumplings, Indian buffet, beef and bean burritos, you get the drift... Every meal was an event... And for dinner, I would roast a chicken, make a hearty paella or some spicy meatballs.  Or we would order in sushi or some pad thai / chicken green curry... I love exotic, delicious, spicy foods and would usually eat until I'm ill...

But once this baby set up shop, the tides turned.  Now, I have to "force food down my gullet."  Getting hungry is the bane of my existence and no matter how hungry I feel, there's nothing I want to eat.  It's really sad.  Food was always my favorite hobby... Getting into the newest, best restaurant and plotting my meals for the week.  Now every time I feel hungry it's like, oh great, what do I have to eat now??  I can't stomach any of the foods I used to love! 

So, while my summer roll and pork vermicelli may just sound like lunch to you... It's a big accomplishment for me... I wanted it, I ate it and I'm not suffering for it.  Halleluyah!

Theory busted! I heart ziplock

I had a theory that taking my pre-natal vitamin before bed was contributing to my morning nausea (vitamins have always made me nauseous which is why I was taking mine before bed... figured it would be best on a full stomach)... To test this theory I stopped taking it at night this past Saturday.  Worked well for two days (no sickness!) and thought I nailed one of my triggers for nausea. 

Until this morning.


I woke up feeling pretty good... Yes!  Another good day!  I go to the bathroom (before eating anything) and then head back to bed thinking I'm safe.  Then it comes - heave!  I ignore it... If I don't acknowledge it, it isn't happening.  Again - heave!  I think I can will it away...

And then finally, there's no holding back.   I reach for my heavy duty ziplock and unleash.  I feel better immediately after and head to the kitchen to make a delicious whole foods toaster pastry to get the acidic taste out of my mouth. 

Oh well, better luck tomorrow...

Butt what?

Today I had an appointment for a routine dental checkup.  I have read that dental hygiene is super important during pregnancy and that proper care is essential for the health of mom and baby.  Apparently all the wonderful hormones make you more susceptible to gum disease which can somehow hurt the baby (I have no idea how this happens). 

I have been seeing my dentist for about nine years now (since I've lived in NYC).  He has a nice receptionist, M.  M is not your typical dental receptionist... he has long hair, drives a motorcycle, dabbles in photography and he always has lots to say!  He's a good guy but you also kind of get a creepy vibe from him.  (My friends all agree... there are a few of us that see him).  He's always been good to me, emailing me to let me know when I need to schedule an appointment and he's very flexible when I have to reschedule my appointment three or four times because of my crazy work schedule. 

I arrive for the appointment and am quickly ushered into an exam room where the hygienist notices my bump as soon as I begin to take off my coat.  She tells me that because I'm expecting we will skip the X-rays for this visit.  Yay - I hate those cards they stick in your mouth and the heavy pad on my body!  She then goes on to tell me about her little ones (a boy and a girl) and how her son just flushed her engagement ring down the toilet.  Oh, one of the many things I have to look forward to.  Then the dentist comes in.  She tells me how important dental hygiene is during pregnancy and then gives me a thorough cleaning.  My teeth look good and she sends me on my way.

As I'm checking out, M tells me that I should come back in three months for another cleaning (something they recommend for pregnant gals).  We make the appointment and then he asks me if we know what we're having.  I explain that we find out in two short weeks.  He then goes on to tell me that he's never wrong in his predictions so I ask him what he thinks I'm having.  And he tells me that he has a methodology that is without fail.  I ask him what it is and he explains that he didn't get a chance to check out my butt and that usually if the mom-to-be has a larger butt than she used to, then she is likely having a boy.  I'm not quite sure how he expected me to respond to this statement... Did he want me to do a slow spin and show him my goods?  Because that wasn't gonna happen.   I told him that I didn't think my rear had expanded so that was just more evidence that I was having a girl.  He took my word for it as I wrapped my super long cardigan and coat tightly around me and walked out of the office...

Back On The Wagon

Despite having a rough start, this weekend actually ended up being the best one I've had this year!  I had a massage (gift from the husband) at this pre-natal spa called Edamame.  It was AMAZING!  Everything about this place was created with mommies-to-be in mind.  In the little lounge area where you wait for your treatment, there were snacks and juice, comfortable lounge chairs and lots of mommy and baby magazines.  When I went in for my massage I was psyched to see that the table had a belly sized cut out so that I could actually lie on my stomach for the treatment.  It was a pretty great full body massage and the table was even so versatile that when it was time for me to flip over, it actually morphed into one of those heated, geriatric style beds that fits to your body; so I was all propped up, a perfect position for a pregnant lady (who is no longer supposed to be lying on her back). They used all sorts of special creams, one for your legs to reduce swelling, another for your belly and back to reduce stretch marks, etc...

When the massage was over I got changed and headed to the retail mecca above the spa that had A Pea in the Pod and Destination Maternity.  This place was insane, completely tailored for pregnant gals complete with a seating area for husbands and a play area for the kiddies.  You walk in and they give you juice or water (little perks like that thrill me).  I was determined not to leave without a pair of jeans.  So far during this pregnancy I have purchased and returned two pairs of jeans, one from Gap and one from Old Navy.  They both just didn't fit me right and the belly band dug into my stomach.  The jeans I tried on at A Pea in the Pod and Destination Maternity ranged in price from $34.50 - $210.  I made the decision that it wasn't about the price, it was about the comfort and I was going to buy whatever fit me the best (much to my husband's chagrin).  I tried on about 20 pairs of jeans and didn't look at one price tag.  I finally settled on a pair of jeans (frankly, I don't even know what brand) and they were $80, so I was slightly relieved. I usually end up picking the most expensive thing in the store, but this time I got off kinda easy!  I also bought a pair of maternity tights which should also help me through the next month or two of cold NYC weather (I honestly don't feel like it's ever going to get warm!)  So now I'm armed with two pairs of maternity leggings, jeans, some tights and then a whole host of other clothes provided by my friend A, who is miraculously out of her maternity wear 8 weeks after delivery - my hero!

Once my shopping and spa extravaganza came to a close I had to rush home to get ready for our Saturday afternoon guests.  A was coming over with her adorable baby H so that we could have a visit and my family could meet H.  My in-laws, mom and brother came over soon after.  It was a great distraction to have company and so nice to see everyone all together.  After visiting for a few hours we went out to dinner at a local restaurant where I had a nice big dinner (white pizza) followed by a good nights sleep.  Eating later at night proved to be good for me.  I woke up on Sunday morning and wasn't nauseous (or super hungry)!  It was great. No meds!

My husband made me a delicious french toast breakfast and we had a pretty good Sunday.  A bunch of our high school friends were getting together at a bar in the village called Off the Wagon and I actually felt well enough to go!  I did feel a bit like a degenerate being a pregnant lady at a bar (especially at 3 in the afternoon) but what was I supposed to do???  I didn't pick the meet-up spot and let's be honest, if this had been 6 months ago, I would have happily spent my Sunday in a bar catching up with old friends over some beers.  A few hours and a plate of cheese fries later, it was time to go home.  When I got home I wasn't feeling too great so I took a chug of Maalox, watched some Sunday night TV and went to bed.

Pukey pepper

The weekend isn't starting off too hot... I woke up this morning at about 5am and really needed to pee.  I sat in bed debating for 30 minutes about whether I should leave my warm, cozy oasis and venture to the bathroom or just try and fall back asleep.  I decided that I wasn't going to be able to fall back asleep so I ran to the bathroom, did my business and on the way back, I knew I was in for trouble.  I could feel my stomach churning, the nausea... Then, all of a sudden, gag!  I choke it back, trying to get into that cozy spot in bed, pretending it isn't happening... Gag again, THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!!  And then, acceptance.  I reach over to my nightside table and grab the heavy duty ziplock bag that is sitting there for just these occasions and begin my first puke session in a few days.  I feel bad because I'm probably waking up my husband, but what can I do?  And why don't I run to the bathroom?  Because who wants to stick their head in a toilet???  I already feel nauseous, I don't think putting my head in a toilet is going to help the situation when I can puke neatly into a ziplock while sitting in the comfort of my delicious bed.  I zip up the evidence, come to the kitchen and make a whole foods pop tart (a little treat that the husband picked up for me) along with a glass of milk.  And that's what's going on right now... I'm eating my tart and waiting until I feel well enough to go get a few more hours of sleep.  Welcome to my life!  Oh, and I'm 18 weeks today - Yay!  Every day is one step closer to delivery and meeting my little one.  Apparently the baby is the size of a bell pepper.  Hooray for my little puke inducing pepper!

What's weighing me down...

Not much going on today... I gotta be honest.  I'm feeling mediocre.  Working from home so I didn't take the kytril and I'm a bit nauseous but trying to eat through it. I really want to try and get off the meds because as my doc says "less is more when you're pregnant."  I am having a (dare I say it) craving for sushi, so I decided to order myself some shrimp tempura rolls (cooked, so safe for pregnancy). Can't wait until they arrive!

I know I've already talked about this, but working from home is really pretty amazing.  I think the best part about it is that I get a day off from my backpack.  I'm a typical NYC gal who loves handbags, so it broke my heart to even purchase a backpack. But when I started my own business about two years ago and began traveling between my client's offices all over the city, my beloved Macbook Pro (which isn't even that heavy) began to weigh on me.  Also, since I'm a paper-a-holic and LOVE to have everything all printed out and with me at all times, I carry a pretty heavy load.

So, about six months ago when I couldn't take the back pain from my tote bag (the lines it would create on my shoulder were scary) I broke down and did the one thing I have always held in contempt and thought I would never do... I purchased a knapsack, backpack, book bag, whatever you want to call it.  It's a nice looking one from North Face with pockets galore (for my many papers), a special area just for my laptop AND it's made specifically for women and approved by the American Chiropractic Association (not sure what type of credibility they have, but it sounded good to someone with a sore back).  I feel like a total loser when I wear it and definitely blend into the crowd of middle schoolers who often convene at the top of my street by their school, but I know it was the adult move.  The right thing to do.  I should be secure enough at this age to not care that I look like a total dork, right?  (Did I really just say dork?)

Well, the problem now is that I've formed my own little front pack (aka my baby bump)... So, now I have a backpack and a front pack and my silhouette is quite round.  Carrying this backpack has now become the bane of my existence.  It is so much heavier than it used to be (I'm weaker and the baby is no help) and I honestly feel like I may tip over on the subway sometimes.  Because I have a wonderful husband who tries to "ease my load" when he can, he often tries to meet me outside of the subway or even pick me up from work so that he can carry the backpack for me, but it's hard, and probably only going to get harder.

I bought the backpack to help with the back pain, but now I fear the pain is unavoidable "given my state."  Hence, why I love working from home.

Oh, and today is Friday, so it's weekend time!!  And since the hubby bought me a pre-natal massage at this special maternity spa called Edamame (cute!), I'm cashing in to see if they can help ease my pain.  Full report on that tomorrow!

Get a Rare Look Inside a Byrd Nest in NYC

A colleague introduced me to something today called Eagle Cam... It's a bald eagle with her baby eagles...

This got me thinking...

Should I do a Byrd Cam once my baby byrd is born??? How horrific would that be?  Me, totally sleep deprived and a screaming newborn!!!

Take a look at the Eagle Cam and "Get a Rare Look Inside a Bald Eagle Nest in the Wild"

Fire in the Heart

For the most part, yesterday was a good day.  I took my meds, so I didn't puke. I had a delicious pizza lunch at Artichoke with one of my colleagues and a lovely trade magazine publisher, who I adore.  I got a nice amount of work done and then I capped off the day by paying my good friend A a visit.  She has a newborn, so I've been taking note during our visits.  Her baby, H, is completely adorable and quite well behaved which is giving me pretty high expectations for my little one.  She keeps telling me how tough it is to have a newborn, but whenever I see them together it looks so easy and he's so sweet, that it's tough to believe it's hard.  However, given how shocked I've been by the toll pregnancy has taken on my life, I am trying my hardest to heed her words of wisdom and mentally prepare for the next phase of this process.

Lucky for me, I still have about 4.5 months to get ready.  After some chatting we realized it was dinner time and A asked me if I wanted to order in or eat this rotisserie chicken they had in the fridge.  Eating out is really challenging for me because of how bland my tastes have become, so as lame as it sounds, the chicken sounded quite good, especially when paired with a 5 bean salad A had from Whole Foods (all the baby books recommend eating beans for a variety of health benefits).  We sat down, I nursed my plate for close to an hour, hour and a half and did a pretty good job (I can't believe how I have to force food down my throat these days, it's wild)...

By then it was getting close to 9pm, and I decided it was time to call it a night.  I gave A + H a kiss goodnight and headed out into the spring snow/sleet/ick storm to try and get a cab.  Standing on the corner, arm raised, I didn't see anything coming, but I stayed hopeful (which is odd... I have a track record of throwing mini tantrums when I can't get a cab... it's one of those NY things that makes me feel completely helpless and stranded when all I want to do is get home).  I see these two guys stumble out of a bar across the street from where I've been patiently standing for a minute or two and I can tell they're going to be competition for me... The battle is on... All of a sudden an off duty cab starts to roll down the street... My arms are waving... I can tell the driver see's me and he see's them and it's up to him.  Lucky for me, he pulls right up to me and says, hop in... He says, "Those guys were going to try and steal the next cab from you and I couldn't let that happen."  My savior.  I tell him how I can't believe these men would try and steal a cab from a young lady who is pregnant, carrying a heavy backpack (there will be posts on this later) in the snow/sleet/ick AND who has clearly been waiting for longer than they have.  So then he starts asking me about the baby, what will we name him / her, etc... A very nice cabby... the kind who deserves a big tip!  As we're rolling up to my apartment, he says to me, "Can I make a same suggestion?"  I say, "Of course"... And he says, "Anakin."  To which I reply, "Like Skywalker?"  And he says, "Exactly."  Then he goes on to ask me if that's too strong of a name.  And I didn't want to ruin this lovely cab ride home, so I told him we would think about it.  It would be a contender. I paid my fare and headed up to the apartment and that's where it happened...

FIRE IN THE HEART

Crazy, terrible, horrific heartburn... the kind where you think you're having a heart attack and you have a golf ball sized pill stuck in your throat.  This is altogether something new for me... I never experienced heartburn prior to pregnancy and didn't even really know what it was.  I pull out the doc-approved cherry flavored Maalox and begin to chug. I build a mountain of pillows, prop myself up and read my Us Weekly waiting for it to subside... waiting, waiting, waiting... How long does this stuff take to work??? My husband comes home, rubs my back for a few and all of a sudden, heart no longer on fire... THANK GOD.  Time to go to sleep.

Back on the sauce...

After feeling quite spritely all day yesterday I thought things were looking up!  Well, at around 6pm, the clouds formed and nausea struck... I tried to eat to make it go away - a bag of popcorn, jar of apple sauce, PBJ - but had no success... It was pretty disappointing, but not altogether unexpected.  I kept eating -  a quesadilla, chocolate covered almonds - and then just decided at 9pm I should call it a night... If I was sleeping, I couldn't be puking.

I got into bed, took my ginormous Citra-natal pre-natal (anti-nausea, yeah right) vitamin,  cuddled up to my snoogle and pulled out my kindle to read a little "What to Expect..."  What did I learn?  My baby is the size of a sweet potato (though other sources claimed it was a turnip and an onion) and that apparently that weird line that's formed on my belly is normal.  In fact, that the line only goes from my belly button down is an indication that I may have a little girl on my hands... Apparently pregnant gals having little boys have a line that extends above the belly button.  Who knows??? I will find out in 2.5 short weeks when we have our anatomy scan appointment.  I passed out, kindle in hand, just like every other night.

Woke up this morning to nausea and decided I didn't have the energy to fight it today... I have to go into the office, battle a NYC spring snow storm and even have a lunch meeting (PIZZA!!).  So, I took the kytril and my B6 and ate my Luna (lemon zest is the best) and now I'm showered and off to work...

Wish me luck!

Daily Conundrum

I'm always hungry but I don't want anything to eat! I thought pregnant ladies were supposed to crave all sorts of things. The only thing I crave is to not be hungry!

I'm a Lucky Lady

Today is one of those blissful days where I get to work from home.  This means I don't need to rush my getting out of bed ritual (including my luna bar, b6, etc... ) and I get to hang out in sweat pants all day.  This is truly something I enjoyed prior to pregnancy but it takes on new meaning these days.  To be able to walk around in sweats with my bump hanging out is completely fabulous.  And on top of that, when I don't have to rush out of bed in the morning, my odds of barfing go way down... So far today, no drugs and no puking... Perhaps I'm turning a corner (like I have thought many other times during this pregnancy) or perhaps this is just a good day... who knows, but regardless, I LOVE IT!  I can pop into the kitchen whenever I feel slightly hungry and set up shop on my oh so comfortable couch and work to my hearts content. Oh, and did I mention nap time?  Being able to take an afternoon nap is huge!!  I'm so sleepy lately that even a quick 30 min or hour long nap makes a really big difference.

I'm one lucky lady to have a job that I love and that allows me the flexibility to work from home at least one day a week... 

Hopefully today is the day where everything changes and I stop feeling sick and join the land of the living again...Fingers crossed!

Getting Down to Brass Tacks...

Ten reasons why pregnancy isn't all fun and games:

• Reason #1: The nonstop nausea and puking.  I am currently 17+ weeks and still nauseous all the time.  Technically, since I'm in my second trimester I "shouldn't be" sick anymore according to the doctors and the books... but guess what? I am... It's been 11 weeks of nonstop, unrelenting sickness.  I've taken meds prescribed by my doc... Zofran for a few weeks until it stopped working... Now I'm on Kytril, which works most of the time, as long as I take it before I get out of bed... If not, the floodgates open.

• Reason #2 :  This former foodie now HATES eating.  I have always LOVED food... It's been my hobby... I read Bon App and Food and Wine, am obsessed with all the food blogs, and love cooking and eating out all over NYC.  The more exotic and spicy the food, the better... Indian has always been a favorite.  Now that I'm pregnant, I cannot go near the kitchen... the smells make me hurl and my diet is reduced to kiddie food.  A typical day of eating for me now includes: Luna Bar, English Muffin, PB&J sandwich, Yogurt, Banana, Apple Sauce, Red Wax Cow Wheel, Jello, Butter Noodles and a Glass of Chocolate Milk. And the worst part about it is that I truly despise feeling hungry... eating is like torture... I have to choke food down to stave away the hunger...  What I wouldn't give to savor some tikka masala and a spicy vindaloo ... but even the thought of it at this point makes me gag.

• Reason #3: I have nothing to wear. Being 5ft tall and moderately curvy I have always had a challenging time buying clothes.  Getting pregnant has only magnified this issue... Finding maternity wear that fits me is a total bitch! I have hit up all the usual suspects for maternity clothes since I'm trying to keep things inexpensive - Gap, Old Navy, H&M, Target.  (Who wants to spend alot of money on clothes I will wear for 6 months??)  Finding tops has been ok; I've picked up a few maternity tops, and been able to pick up a few size small shirts at H&M (instead of XS, my normal size) and that's been working for me. But I have had to return all of the jeans I've purchased - either too long, too tight or the belly band hurts my bump! Thank god for maternity leggings... If not for the two pairs that I have, I would go naked, or at least bottomless.  I cannot wait until it's warm enough and I can just wear dresses every day!

• Reason #4: I feel like I have no life.  Besides my husband, wonderful colleagues and my parents, my social interaction has been minimal... I am so worried about feeling nauseous and getting sick that I don't really make plans with people... Or, if I'm feeling ambitious and do make plans, 9 times out of 10 I cancel them.  I literally have not done anything fun in so long... No sunday brunches followed by a girlie movie, no shopping days, no food / bar crawls... Nada..  And on top of that, what kind of company would I be if I were to hang out?   Who wants to be with the cranky pregnant lady who just wants to complain?  I certainly don't... I hate feeling like a no fun stick in the mud.

• Reason #5: Bodily functions galore.  Without getting too graphic, let's just say that there is a robust list of things that happen to your body throughout pregnancy and it isn't pretty.  List includes: constipation, indigestion / heartburn and horrific "i can't stand to be in the same room with myself" gas... I wonder what's next???

• Reason #6: Having to hear other people talk about how great they felt during pregnancy is torture.  Each time I hear "I felt sexy while I was pregnant" or "I still work out every day even though I'm 7 months" I want to scream! 

• Reason #7: Constant fatigue.  I'm freaking tired man... All the time.  I sleep about 12 hours a night and still want to nap every day... How is that possible?  

• Reason #8: I'm not comfortable... My belly just feels so big and tight... My back aches... I feel like my balance is totally off and I may tip over at any moment. 

• Reason #9: I have to pee every 15 minutes.  Enough said.

• Reason #10: I am moody and a total grump... can you tell?

I'm Sorry Baby

Dear Baby Byrd Greene,

I wanted my very first post to be a letter to you... Let me start by saying that you are very much wanted and very much loved.  I am grateful to be having you and want nothing but the best for you.  This blog is in no way a reflection of how I feel about you, but more a place for me to vent about the many changes that are happening to me, my body and my life.  Despite what many books and blogs say, pregnancy is not all sunshine and roses.  You'll understand when you're older. 

I also feel like it's my duty as a woman to let other women know that pregnancy is no walk in the park... I don't know if women have been hiding pregnancy side effects from each other for years thinking that if others knew, the human race would cease to exist or what the deal is, but baby, I went through my first 30 years of life having NO IDEA how challenging pregnancy could be.  In the movies and on TV it looks so nice and easy.  You get an adorable round belly, people are super nice to you, you get foot massages and special yoga classes... It looks quite easy and then you have an adorable pink baby!  I know that there are some women who are lucky enough to have real life pregnancies like that, but as you may have guessed, I'm not one of those lucky ladies... 

I know that when you arrive, all of these terrible months of suffering will be forgotten as I ooh and ahh over how adorable you are...

But for now, and for the rest of this blog, it's not about you... it's about me.

I hope you understand.

Love,
Mama Byrd Greene