It's been just over two years since I last posted. Honestly, I can't believe I'm back. I thought that last post was a nice way to end my blogging journey. I was in labor (HORRIBLE!) and I did give birth to a delightful little boy who turned two on August 22nd of this year. The past two years have been incredible. My little Brady is adorable, charming, fun-loving, silly, super smart and incredibly sweet. He will be an incredible big brother! Yes, it's true... I'm pregnant with number two and I'm back to what feels like square one. I'm about 10.5 or so weeks into the pregnancy, due 5/18 and I've been feeling like total crap since about six weeks. Nauseous 24/7 and incredibly tired. After I had Brady I went back to normal. I could eat everything I wanted. I would start my day with a luxurious cup of coffee with frothy milk and end it with a nice glass of wine and a dinner that I lovingly prepared. Life was good. So good, that I completely forgot how terrible pregnancy is (for me). How emotional I could become at the drop of a dime, how angry I would feel that I'm so sick and others get to float through pregnancy on a cloud of joy and happiness, and how dependent it makes me on others (to cook, clean, care).
I think I also underestimated taking care of a toddler while pregnant. When I was pregnant with #1, I could nap at my leisure and lie on the couch like a lump. But now I have this delightful little boy who demands my attention as a play mate. He requires diaper changes, meals and lots of snacks. All things considered, Brady is pretty great at playing by himself. He will occupy himself with his choo choos for a good hour while mommy cowers in the corner. I've also recently introduced him to TV... something I resisted for two years, but now have to embrace. And I do. He went from zero TV to between 1-2 hours a day. It's not ideal, but I'm in survival mode and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Doc McStuffins, Curious George and Thomas the Tank are my arsenal of tools.
Once we found out #2 was on the way, we decided that it was probably a good idea to send #1 to school. We had been toying with the idea but since he's young for his "grade," 2's, we thought we would wait for a 3's program. All of his best friends are currently attending 2's programs in the city and Princeton and they love it. So, this was a perfect solution. I did some research in the area (oh yeah, did I tell you... we moved to the 'burbs... a bucolic little slice of heaven in NJ, called Fair Haven... more on that later). I did some research and found that most schools in the area only took kids who were 2.5. This was disappointing. I started making phone calls and visiting various pre-schools. I was looking to enroll him over a month after school began, so I was prepared for a challenge. I wanted something warm, inviting and that just felt comfortable. I was surprised at how hard that was to find. I visited the big, fancy school with all the amenities, spanish class, yoga class, etc... I liked it, but the class seemed too big to me (16 kids+). I visited the really "homey" style pre-school that's in a house. It was ok... the class was smaller but it just lacked something... Can't even put my finger on it. A few more school visits and I ended up calling the local temple in the town next to ours. Despite advertising that they only accepted kids 2.5+, they were flexible and if Brady attended the school, he wouldn't even be the youngest in his class. A little girl that was born in September was already enrolled. This sounded promising. Anyone who knows me (and my husband), knows that we are the least religious people you could find. We celebrate nothing besides birthdays, anniversaries and present-giving season. Despite this, I went for a tour. It just felt right. It smelled like my temple growing up, had a warmth that you could feel and the class was a small six kids. The kids seemed nice... and there was a teacher and teachers aide who seemed really engaged. The school's director was also really sweet. AND, this school didn't require me to make him lunch or snacks... That's huge!! All I would have to do was drop off my kid with a backpack and a water and then I would have the freedom I longed for. The freedom to nap at will, shop, fix up the house, nap, eat, nap and just be nauseous on the couch before I nap. The first day of school rolls around. I arrive, SO EXCITED FOR THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL, and am swiftly slapped in the face with something I didn't expect. Separation anxiety. There was no tearful goodbye... There was a quick, mommy's going bye bye, give me a kissy... to which he obliged and mommy was free while Brady went to play with toys. PERFECT! I went home and within an hour was called back to school. Once Brady lifted his head from the choo choos he discovered and realized mommy wasn't there, he went bananas. I don't know what I was thinking. I had never left my kid in a strange location with people he didn't know... Why did I think he would just be ok? How naive.
When I got back to school we calmed him down and I joined the class. I didn't realize, but this would be my first day of pre-school and far from my last. I've been attending pre-school Tue/Thurs/Fri from 9 - 12:30 for the past 3 weeks. We've had ups and downs. Sometimes I sit in the classroom, sometimes my chair is outside the classroom. Every day has brought about a different experience. We've had good days (he finally joined the class for circle time!!) and we've had bad days (he screamed at any kid who came near him or wouldn't leave my side.) Separation anxiety from mommy is only part of the issue. He seems to be terrified of other kids. That's why I knew a small class was the way to go. When all the kids start to play with one set of toys, he wants to play with something else... He runs (quickly!) from any interaction with other kids. I think their unpredictability scares him. I'm really lucky that it's a nice, nice, nice group of kids. No bullies, though there is one boy who plays a little more hands-on... But he's a sweet kid and just used to being with older brothers. Seeing Brady's interaction with the other kids (or lack thereof) was really sad to me. It made me wonder... what did I do wrong? Why is my kid afraid of all of the other kids? I've been attending play dates with him since he was 6 weeks old and enrolled him in his first Gymboree class at 3 months. Heck, this is a NYC kid... he should be used to being surrounded by people and chaos!! He's been on the subway a million times, spent his second year of life attending music and gym classes with other kids, running around the crowded Museum of History on the cold days and hanging out on the crowded jungle gym at the playground. Granted, he has no siblings or cousins that he spends lots of time with... he did have his BFF, our next door neighbor Hazel and the two of them played really nicely together (though she did usually cater to him... something I didn't fully realize until now).
Well, this all leads me to today... Why did I resurrect the blog? I didn't feel like working this morn... I'm at a local coffee shop down the street from my house (Booskerdoo!!!), hiding out so that my mom can take Brady to school (hoping that he does better without me there). I actually got up at 7am this morning to sneak out of my house before Brady woke up so that we could avoid an epic meltdown at my departure (that would inevitably ruin our chances of a good day at school). My mom is going to be bringing him to school in about 30 minutes (where she will camp out in my place) and then I can go home, shower and get ready for my second pre-natal appointment.
I have so much more to tell you, but I just don't have it in me right now... I think it's time for breakfast #2.
xoxo
